Overall, the paper was decent. It showed a correct comprehension of the three texts and incorporated all three into each body paragraph. However, I felt that the thesis was too general and vague and therefore a weak thesis that if strengthened could lead to a much stronger paper. In addition, I wish that the author had spent some time explaining some key concepts, like who were the “Boomers,” who Goetz was, and what the author’s definition of the word “agency” was. If added, these definitions would help to clear up any confusion that the reader may have if they had not previously read the articles, as well as strengthen their argument regarding the individual’s “agency.” Furthermore, although it was nice to see all three authors incorporated within all body paragraphs, at times there did not seem to be a strong connection made between the authors as well as the quotes used. In the same token, many of the quotes used did not seem to be thoroughly analyzed, and some of the analyzation should have went further in order to strengthen your argument and the paper as a whole. For example, after the quote from Gladwell on page 240 on page 2 of your paper you could further your analyzation of the quote by discussing how the Boomers changed what they were most concerned with and how this shows their lack of personal awareness, and how they ultimately gained more personal awareness so that they successfully changed the way they perceived themselves. Finally some of your sentences are worded awkwardly. With all of this taken into consideration, I would give this paper a grade of a “C.”
I think that the above stated comments on this student’s paper would help the student improve on their paper because it gives them exact points within their paper that they need to target. These comments are useful to both the tutor and the student because they are thorough. One of the biggest complaints that I have received from the students that I tutor is that they do not feel their professors put in any effort when grading their papers. They feel this way because they either do not receive any comments or the comments they do receive are scarce and vague, and therefore not helpful. The instructor comments that are most useful to me are the ones that pinpoint a specific target area that the student should aim on improving, while the least helpful comments are those that basically state the essay needs work, but fails to state where.